Sunday, August 2, 2009

Yes, I want to lose more

Well, summer has almost come and gone at our house, as far as school vacation is concerned. My oldest son starts Kindergarten on this Friday, so we will be using each morning this week to practice getting up early enough to get to school on time.

Reality is that I made no real progress on my weight and exercise goals between May 1st and August 1st. But I have held steady at 38 pounds lost and I have become more comfortable with what I have done and what else I want to do. I have tried to work-out as much as possible, and while I haven't given myself free rein with food, I have allowed myself to enjoy the food pleasures and conveniences necessary to survive a summer with 3 little ones. I have a comfortable understanding that in order to eat like this, I have to exercise. And if I want to lose more, then I have to exercise more and eat better.

A few friends have asked if I want to lose more. I love the comments that usually come before that question, but the question confuses me a little. According to the various charts, I need to lose a minimum of 20 more pounds. I am wearing a size 14 and while they are comfortable, they are not falling off. So, when a friend that is probably a size 8 or 10 says "You look great, you don't need to lose any more" but then a few minutes later says that she could stand to lose a few pounds, I'm confused.

Is it the result of our skewed perception of our own bodies? Does she see me as smaller than I really am? smaller than I see myself? And in return, does she see herself as larger than she really is? larger than I see her? Because if she thinks she needs to lose a few pounds, then she should think I need to lose more than a few more pounds.

Or, is it part of the evil game we women secretly play to keep each other on the I'm-not-good-enough rollercoaster. Do her words really say, "Oh, honey, a size 14 is good enough for you." While she's thinking, Of course, I'd have my jaw wired shut if it were me. Just kidding...I hope.

Anyway, I'm working on my increased exercise schedule that will start next week. And I'm getting my supplies gathered together to get back on track with the nutrition portion, starting with protein shakes for breakfast. I know that a major key to my success with controlled eating is the food tracking, so I need to redevelop my habit for that.

Yes, I want to lose more. I think I will start by saying I would like to lose 15 pounds more. I don't know what that will look or feel like. I think it will be a clothing size 10. I also want to run more. I'll set a running goal once I get my exercise schedule established.

(Ok, I just used the word "loose" everytime I meant "lose". Please tell me mommy-brain is a reversible affliction?!?!)

Monday, June 22, 2009

Starting Again

I feel like I'm starting again...not starting over, starting again. My mental plateau has now lasted about 7-8 weeks and it is starting to have an effect on my physical results and progress. My weight is the same as it was, +/- 2 pounds (ok, seriously, would I write that if it was really minus 2 pounds? no, so to be honest it is the same plus 2 pounds, which means it is not the same it is PLUS 2 pounds).

I find myself wanting a 20 oz bottle of ice cold Coca-Cola and a candy bar every time I am in the grocery store (which is frequently now because of a new obsession about couponing, more on that later...), a chicken biscuit and Coke every morning for the last 3 weeks as we rushed out the door to baseball camp, swim lessons, and VBS (too rushed to make a shake for breakfast, but enough time to swing through the line at C-F-A?), and frozen pizza for dinner because I haven't planned for dinner and besides we have 20 tubes of toothpaste, 15 sticks of deodorant, 7 boxes of cereal, but no vegetables in the house.

So, I'm starting again. It has been hard to get the gym since the kids got out of school. I kept telling myself that it would be easier once they got out...but no, it never gets will be easier when the kids go back to school, it will be easier in the winter, it will be easier when the weather warms, it never gets easier, so I've got to just keep doing what I know I need to do and just work around whatever and whichever obstacle is in the path today.

I've been learning about couponing and how to coordinate the lowest price of a product with the best coupon available, and I'm really enjoying it. I've been focusing on getting such great deals and "stockpiling" certain things, but I haven't found the balance of doing this while planning out healthy meals for the week. We now have enough shampoo, toilet paper, ziploc bags, spaghetti sauce and fruit snacks to last til October or so, but almost every night I struggle with that dreaded question "What's for dinner". I've been saving about 50-60% each trip for the last 3-4 weeks. I do feel that "high" from the adrenaline rush (i guess?) when I go to check out and I watch that original total tick down as each coupon is scanned. I just need to reorganize and plan out our menus better...again.

I know what I should do, what I'm supposed to do, I just have to come back around and make it what I want to do. Break over...time to start again.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Does Size Matter?

First, a few questions and observations and then the full disclosure update that I meant to do a month ago.

Have clothing sizes changed in 10 years? I'm confused that I can (barely) fit into a pair of new size 12 shorts, but the old size 14 shorts I pulled from the bottom back corner of a drawer are just as snug. I know different brands run differently, but this is happening with a good hand full of items of different brands with the only common thread being when they purchased...old vs. new. I'm really beginning to think the current sizes are cut larger across the industry. So the old question, does size matter? Well according to my ego, the answer is yes and I am perfectly happy to purchase a smaller size these days.

Ok, I had my last session with my personal trainer today. Here are the stats:

36 pounds lost since Oct--7 months

current BMI is 28.6, down from 34
the overweight to normal threshold is 25

% body fat is 34% down from 41%

clothing size is a snug 12 (really a 14 in public!) down from 20W

I no longer have any "W" clothes in my closet and am replacing XL (or XXL) with L

I ordered a new swimsuit in one size smaller than I thought I needed with plans to "work my way into it", well when it arrived it already fits! In fact, I'm a little afraid the top may be too big in 6-8 weeks.

I have set a few new mini-goals for myself:
I would like to lose another 12 pounds by Monday, June 29th. That is exactly 8 weeks away.
I would like to comfortably fit into size 10 clothes by August 1st.
I would like to be able to run (the entire time) a 5K distance by August 1st. That's 3.1 miles and yes, I did have to look it up.

Monday, April 27, 2009

Note to Self...

Quick Note to Self...

Yes, those were size 12 shorts you wore to the baseball field yesterday. You were very proud, weren't you? And yes, you did ask Husband if they were too tight, to which he answered they were not. And no, they did not feel uncomfortable when standing...still. However, size 12 shorts riding up the inside of your (albeit slightly smaller) blindingly pale thighs is just as unattractive as the size 18 shorts riding up same said legs.

Get a (fake) tan, use some lotion, and wait about 4 more weeks before you wear those shorts in public again! Of course, who are you kidding, it will probably take longer than that for them to get washed anyway.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

I can't seem to get going.

I can't seem to get going. Even trying to write about it, I find myself surfing other blogs, checking the weather, logging onto the message board at The Daily Plate where I haven't tracked my food in 23 days.

I am overwhelmed by what all I need to be doing

(this all includes every aspect of my life~~house cleaning, house projects, menu planning, exercise schedule, playing with the kids ((OMG what are we going to do all summer??)), teaching the kids, playdates with kids, playdates with mommies),

yet I have almost no desire or motivation to start any of it. I feel like I am treading water...barely. I have been stuck since April 1st (no foolin'). I have maintained the 30 pounds lost up to that day, but can't seem to move past it. Not a physical plateau, but maybe a mental plateau?

~~am I afraid of succeeding? 30 pounds is right about halfway for me. And it is the best I've done in about 10 years.

~~am I too comfortable? I'm fitting into some old clothes, even having to buy a few new things in a smaller size. Friends and family have really had some nice comments lately, and it feels really good. Am I subconsciously thinking, 'maybe this is good enough'?

~~do I need a new goal? I never did establish a new goal for myself, other than the unspoken lose more weight. And I haven't even tried hard to schedule my reward for hitting the 30 pounds mark. Am I lost in the maze without a piece of cheese to lure me to the exit?

~~am I preparing myself for failure? I have one more session with my trainer next week after 7 months of hand holding. I know what to do at the gym, but will I do it? Will I keep the 'free' appointments with myself (I never once cancelled or rescheduled a paid session)?

Fail to plan, plan to fail.
I need a new plan.

Friday, March 27, 2009

30 Pounds Gone!

At today's weigh-in, I reached my mini-goal of 30 pounds! It has been a rough week with a head cold and pms bloating, so I really did not expect to the scale to move. I mean I didn't expect it to move down and I was praying it didn't move up. So now I get to schedule my massage at the spa! Of course our calendar is so crazy right now with rescheduled Trike-A-Thons and T-ball games due to rain and then Spring Break, that it will probably be 2-3 weeks before I can enjoy my reward.

April 1st will be 6 months since I started with the personal trainer, so I will try to do a "full disclosure" update on the 1st. Speaking of the personal trainer, I only have 3 more sessions with him. And I found out my gym membership has expired. My cluttered mind thought I had until May, but it was actually the other "M" month, March. So I am trying to work through the options at 3 different gyms.

I am loving a handful of t-shirts that I got at Old Navy. The are super simple, bright solids, just the right stretch and so so soft. And they are a size L not XL or XXL. Old Navy actually contributed to one of my "last straw" moments...I was trying to put on one of their XXL shirts that I owned and it didn't fit. What! a 2XL doesn't fit?? So Old Navy and I have made-up and are good friends right now.

I need 2 new mini-goals. Maybe when I post on Apirl 1st with all my update info I'll have figured out some new goals for myself. I have started looking at swimsuits, so maybe one goal with have some connection to that. I can't remember the last time I was looking forward to swimsuit shopping!

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Why Am I Trying to Sprint My Way Through This Marathon?

Every few weeks I get a burst of energy and renewed commitment to my goal. Then I practically wear myself out trying to do everything right and clean and enough. And then, predictably, 10-15 days later I loose steam...all my plans gets in the way.

So here I am again, back in the starting blocks, making my list of the things...strategies...that I need to revamp or increase or decrease. Waiting for that Monday morning starting gun to fire so I can sprint my way through the next 2 weeks of menus and workouts.

Wouldn't it be more efficient to find an even keel instead of this bipolar approach?

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Random Update

Quick update on several random items...

Calculated body fat percentage today. Original was 41%, today's reading was 35%. Yay!!

Tried quinoa at dinner tonight. It was ok, kinda bland but with a unique taste at the end of each bite. Will definitely give it another try. Maybe add more "pilaf" type add-ins.

Tried broccolini....very good. I love broccoli and asparagus, so no real surprise there. My 5 year old asked what the broccolini was and my answer was that it was a cross between "regular" broccoli and Chinese broccoli (I read that somewhere). This answer led to a whole discussion of what and where China is located, including that when we are having daytime, they are having nighttime. So after a slight pause, he says, "So Chinese people are nocturnal?" Oh dear, geography and astronomy at the dinner table.

Tried blackberries. First couple of bites were interesting. More tart than I expected. But I easily finished the 1/2 cup portion. One half-cup portion of blackberries has like 8g of fiber, which is incredible. But one half-cup was half of the container and that container was almost $3. Nearby pick-your-own farm sells them $10 a gallon, season isn't until June.

Not doing so good on the "drink more water" goal.

I have added 1 set of ab work to each workout, which is 3 times so far.

I'll be glad when the Easter bunny hops on out of town and takes the Cadbury eggs with him. I've limited myself to 1 per day (not every day), but I could do without the temptation altogether.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Whole-lly Moley

I made my first trip to Whole Foods Market today.


Wow about the produce...Wow about the fish and meat markets...Wow about the bakery...Wow about all the prepared foods, they smelled incredible...and Wow about the price!

I bought 31 items and my total was $99. Thank goodness I had a list! Not a trip I plan to make every week, but in my opinion, worth the drive every 4-6 weeks for a few specialty items. Here are some new things I'm going to try...

cashew butter and almond butter
almond milk
whole wheat pasta & couscous

I was a little disappointed with their cottage cheese selection. Seriously they had like 2 small container Kroger has at least 4-5 options in size or fat % or curd size. I was looking for a specific brand that is no salt added. I'll try the Publix down the street.

The smell in the Beauty Care section was like the reception area of a spa. And that reminded me of my 30 pounds lost reward...scheduling a massage for myself. Only 4 more pounds to go!

Saturday, February 28, 2009

Good-Bye Obesity!

As I write this, I am sitting here wearing my pair of current "mini-goal" jeans. They are a size 14. Just 14, not 14W (ok, they are stretch). I can't remember the last time I wore size 14 jeans. Seriously, I'm thinking maybe 10 years ago...I'm pretty sure I was wearing a 16 when I got married in 2000. So these jeans are still too tight to wear out of the house. They are as tight as pants that I have worn out of the house, but I was only wearing those because I had nothing else to wear and I was probably on my way to the store to buy the next size up. But hopefully in another 10-14 days I will be proudly wearing my size 14 stretch jeans and I will be on my way to the store to buy a pair of new size 12 "mini-goal" jeans.

I am proud to say that I have been able to keep up with the 3 goals I set for myself 2 weeks ago (hmmm....could there be a connection between keeping my food & exercise goals and fitting into smaller clothes?? Maybe I'm onto something here....) To recap...

1) Protein shakes....everyday, mostly breakfast and a couple times for lunch instead. For me, the shakes have been about consistently eating breakfast and helping with getting at least 128g of protein a day.

2) Increase elliptical and stairmaster times....With one exception, I have increased my times every time I've done cardio. So elliptical is at 18 mins and stairmaster is at 6 mins. Will continue until I reach 30 mins elliptical and at least 12 mins stairmaster.

3) Keep a food diary....everyday since Feb 16th. And that includes 4 birthday parties. I've been pleasantly surprised that I have been able to keep my various totals within goal range about 80% of the time...calories under 1700, carbs at or under 200, protein at least 128, fiber at least 30...I really like using The Daily Plate to track my food intake and exercise.

I've done pretty good with these steps, so I'm going to add 2 more to my list...

4) Drink more water....It's not that I'm drinking too much of something else, but that I'm not drinking enough fluids at all. When I kept Coke in the fridge, I would drink it all day long. My current fluid intake is 1 Caffeine Free Diet Dr. Pepper, 16-32 oz water when exercising (which is not everyday), maybe 12 oz water at dinner.

5) Add abdominal exercises to every workout. I think I have been avoiding the abs because I am ok with keeping them covered in public for the rest of my, let's focus on the arms and legs first (I'm referring to muscle tone, not pin pointing fat loss). But I know that I need to "strengthen my core" and so I will work on including at least one set of abs into every workout.

Good-Bye Obese! The scale is down 26 pounds and that means my BMI is now 29.3, which means that I am officially Overweight. There are 28 pounds between overweight me and normal weight me (based on BMI alone).

I'm making my first trip to Whole Foods on Tuesday. I've been working on my grocery list for days now. I can't believe I am this excited about going to the grocery store.

That's all for legs are going numb from my "can't quite stretch that much" size 14 jeans.

Friday, February 20, 2009


Today was weigh-in day and the scale was 24.8 pounds down. I'm going to round that up and call it 25 pounds!

I started on Monday working on the 3 goals I re-made for myself, and I've done pretty good at all 3 so far this week.

1) Protein shake for breakfast every day....So far everyday, one day I had it for lunch to off-set the Chick-fil-A biscuit I was craving, but that's 5 days in a row.

2) Increase elliptical and stairmaster times....I've worked out 3 times so far, added 2 minutes twice to the elliptical so that's up to 14 mins, and added 1 min to stairmaster once so that's up to 6 mins.

3) Keep a food log...everyday at The Daily Plate, it is so interesting to watch the nutritional information add up for the day.

May try to add a new goal next week.

Ok, I'm trying to write with all 3 kids running around. I usually do this after they go to bed, but I just had to write about the 25 lbs! Yay for me!

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Time to Walk the Walk

The scale has been stuck at 23 pounds lost for about a week and half. Yes, I am happy to have lost every single one of those pounds, but I had been hoping for 25 when I weighed in on Friday. Could it be the dreaded plateau? Or could it be too much talkin' and not enough walkin'? I am so very good at talking the talk, but frequently fall short when it's time to walk the walk.

Here's a list of the promises and plans that I have made for myself in the past 6-8 weeks...

~~go to 1 RPM (spin) class per week...made it 2 weeks and haven't been at all in about 3 weeks

~~track calories burned and determine a daily goal, approx. 1500 for off days and 2000 for workout days....I do continue to wear my HRM when I workout, but I never did track it beyond that first day when I thought it was such a great idea

~~increase my time on the elliptical and stairmaster....I still gravitate toward the treadmill for cardio, and even though my speed and incline are better and I can even run a little, my elliptical and stairmaster times are still unchanged, barely 5 mins on stairs and 10 mins on elliptical

~~drink a protein shake for breakfast every day....kept up the first 5 out of 6 days, then off and on for the next 6-7 days, found some great recipes to try so hopefully I'll be back on track this next week

~~keep a food trainer has asked me so many times to do this and I have read in numerous articles that doing so is one of the most important indicators of weight loss success, so why can't I do it? I have accounts at 2 different, free online services that are both user friendly, and I certainly spend plenty of time on the computer.

~~Try to eat 128 grams of protein per day....I do not count and track protein every day, but I have been making a conscious effort to switch or add items that are high in protein

Ok, so here's the 3 things that I am going to work on starting tomorrow...
1) Protein shake for breakfast
2) Must increase stairmaster by 1 min OR elliptical by 2 mins at each workout. Do this BEFORE stepping onto the treadmill.
3) Keep a food log...the good, the bad, and the ugly.

I can now fit into all of my original motivational clothing, so this weekend I purchased a new pair of jeans (size 14, no W, woohoo!) and several new workout pieces on clearance. I can technically put on the jeans and button them, but I would never leave the house in them and probably can't sit down!

I also need all new makeup, so I thought I would treat myself when I hit the 25 pounds lost mark. Which will hopefully be by the end of this week.

I have a 1 hour massage at a local spa that is already paid for, it's just a matter of scheduling the visit (i.e. requesting and getting time off approval from the "boss"!), so I was thinking that would make a great reward for hitting the 30 pounds lost mark.

Alright, enough talking, time to start walking...

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Where Does the Time Go?

Oh, where does the time go? I ask myself this just about everyday. I am convinced that all the clocks in my house have the ability to skip entire blocks of time simultaneously. There are several times a day that just seem to disappear....from 7am to 8am....and 11am to 12pm...then 3pm to 4pm.....and again at 8pm to 10pm. I'll think I have everything on schedule and right on track and then whamo!...we're running late! I used to be very punctual, that was before kids. I was actually still pretty good about being on time with one kid. But now it seems like we are always rushing, always racing the clock, always speeding in on two wheels. I know it is all about the planning...yeah, yeah, yeah.

But today this question is especially on my baby, McQueen, is one year old today. Oh, where did the time go? With my first, I was always pushing him to do more...roll over, sit up, crawl, walk. Typical first child expectations, I think. Then with the second, I slowed down a little, partly because of experience and partly because now my time and attention were divided by two. I always knew I wanted more than one child (I'm an only child), but I definitely had my hands full with two. So maybe two was enough? Husband and I had not yet come to a firm answer for that question when I found out I was pregnant with McQueen. That day, I was surprised and I cried, a lot. But wow, what a blessing he is. He is so incredibly sweet and happy and beautiful. (I have a dear friend who has one child, and I always thought she was crazy for still referring to her 3 year old as "the baby." Now, I have a feeling I'll be sending "the baby" of to college when the time comes.) The only pushing I've done with McQueen was in the delivery room! I have not pushed him to hurry up and crawl, hurry up and walk, hurry up and grow up. And I certainly did not ask him to hurry up and turn One. Oh, where did the time go?

I'm still working on more cottage cheese recipes and I'm also working on a list of goals and non-food rewards for myself. I weighed in last Friday and was very pleased with the results, so I'm hoping this Friday I'll hit the 25 pounds lost mark. Oldest son started T-ball this week for the first time and I am still trying to figure out how his schedule is going to impact my gym time and our dinner options. I need to sit down with a calendar and make a menu. We also have 3 birthday parties between Thur & Sun, not counting McQueen. Who knew Memorial Day was such a sexy holiday?

Oops, gotta run, I just saw the clock skip ahead....

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

First a little good news...

A few weeks ago I had blood drawn for a new patient profile at the Dr. office. So I received my lab results yesterday and my cholesterol is 129. I have never had high cholesterol, but this is the lowest it has ever been.

I have worked things out with my trainer and instead of being finished last week, we now have 12 more sessions, once per week until almost April. I am really happy about that because I was already worried about my self-discipline.

As of this week, I am down 20.6 pounds since October 1st and 30.6 pounds since May 2008. I had hoped my BMI would have crossed that threshold between categories but it is just barely holding on. Oh, well, next week.

I am learning to really like cottage cheese. For me, the simple solution has been blending it smooth. I have used it in the following 4 ways so far, and have several more to try soon. I've already gone through 2 medium size containers.
1) Add to protein shakes

2) Blend smooth with frozen strawberries, a little Splenda, a little milk, freeze

3) Add Hidden Valley Ranch powder to make a dip for vegetables or chips (it was Superbowl Sunday)...taste was somewhere between good and ok, may need to tweak the seasonings, but definitely has potential...hoping for a Ranch salad dressing substitution as well.

4) My favorite....replaced 1/2 the required cream cheese in a frozen peanut butter pie...could not tell the difference. I have rewritten the recipe with a few other changes and plan to make it again next week. Calories went from 305 per serving to possibly 135 with all the changes.

5) Almost forgot...I used smooth cottage cheese in place of mayo to make quick tuna salad one day. It was pretty bland, but tolerable. Will try again, I used ONLY tuna and cottage cheese, so I will try to add a few more seasonings.

I have a delicious spinach quiche recipe that includes feta cheese. I'm going to try replacing most or all of the feta with the cottage cheese, may not even blend it, since texture would be similar to the feta already.

Ok, a little off topic....I have become obsessed with the List of 25 Random Things about You on Facebook. Two aspects....the voyeur in me scours the pages of my "Friends" to read their lists...and the voice in my head is constantly trying to think of things to write on my List.

I sorted started my list and then realized everything sounded negative, like I was writing My List of 25 Random Inabilities and Shortcomings. So many other peoples were filled with awe inspiring accomplishments or overflowing with love for their husbands and families. Really, loving your husband is Random? Yeah, some days I can see it, but that wasn't what I was planning to tell my childhood friend that I haven't seen in years or the multitude of high school friends that I can barely remember and have to keep a yearbook next to the computer to spark a memory. Of course, they probably didn't want to know that I took down my Christmas tree on January 30th and I am totally ok with it, the white lights in the foyer make a great night light! Nor do they have any interest in the fact that I am paranoid of drinking spoiled milk or serving my kids spoiled milk, I even put ice cubes in their bottles or sippy cups when we leave the house so not to risk it.

So now I can't even come up with 25 things that I want to share with my "Friends" (by the way, I HATE that terminology on Facebook). But here are a few things that might have made the list, and they are pretty Random and useless...

--I learned to shoot a gun and drive a stick shift somewhere around the age of 12, might have been younger.

--I have a below average heart rate, resting is around 50 and sitting is around 58. And it is not because I am as fit as Lance Armstrong, it's just genetic.

--I graduated 2nd in my high school class, magna cum laude from college in 3 years, and have a Master's degree. But I have no idea what I will do when I go back to work and I rarely feel intelligent.

--I love that both of my boys have their dad's dimples.

--I taught high school science for 1 year and knew by Christmas break that I was not cut out to be a teacher.

--Both of my other professional jobs have been in sales. I hate sales and I am not good at persuading people to buy something they don't need. Again, I have no idea what I am going to do when I go back to work.

--I have known my husband for 21 years, dated him for 9.5 years, and have been married to him for 8.5 years. I love my husband. But if anything were to happen and we were to no longer be together, the first call I would make would be to the Dipsy Dumpster company to bring me an industrial size dumpster to throw all of his crap away. I might need two.

--I loved being pregnant so much the first time that I actually had thoughts that I might want to be a surrogate. The 2nd and 3rd pregnancies were very uncomfortable and I would probably shoot my husband if there were to be a 4th. (Refer to item #1 for proof of ability.)

Another very funny take on this current Facebook trend is at Pearls of Wisdom blog, take a look and be sure to read all the way to the bottom of her list.

Friday, January 30, 2009

Still trying to get enough protein

I am still trying to figure out how to get "enough" protein into my daily diet. After whining about my recommended 128 grams per day, I talked with a friend who tries for 200 grams per day and my trainer aims for 300 grams per day (his are for bodybuilding goals). So most of my whining went on deaf ears. I tried tracking my protein for a few days and could rarely get over 100 grams per day. So, I had my first shake this morning. I was not impressed. Surprisingly, it did not taste as good as the $5 shakes made at the shake shop. I have a few tricks to try next time, like using some Sugar-Free jello powder to flavor the plain or vanilla shakes. Adding up the shake powder, the extra protein powder, and the skim milk it was 27 grams of protein.

I also found a cereal bar made by South Beach Diet (Caramel Peanut) that has 19 grams of protein per bar. Yes it is 210 calories and is technically a meal replacement bar. Since some days the Fiber One bars (2g protein) were all I was eating for breakfast, I'm ok subbing out those for these new ones, especially on the days when I'm running too late to make a shake. I can keep a few in the console of the car and that will hopefully keep me out of the Chick-fil-A drive-thru.

But what about this miracle food everyone keeps talking about....28 grams of protein in one cup, low in fat, fairly inexpensive compared to a similar serving of meat....the elusive cottage cheese.

A couple of months ago I noticed that Google had updated their search tools and now when I start typing in my topic of interest a little box pops up below with suggestions for how I can finish out the wording of my desired topic. It has been quite helpful and usually very accurate. I Google alot. It has been very helpful with suggesting sites for calorie tracking (cancelled WW Online--now trying to decide between The Daily Plate or Fit Day--both free), playlist selections for the iPod, smoothie/shake recipes, nutritional info on specific foods. So, of course, when I set out on my search for cottage cheese recipes, I immediately turned to my helpful friend Google.

Ok, I start typing....cottage ch...up pops some suggestions....cottage cheese discharge...ewwww! this finding does not help with the icky texture issues I am already trying to, not about cottage cheese recipes....yes, thank you Google, you have redeemed yourself. I now have a few recipes to try out over the next few weeks.

My last trip to the grocery store I bought 2 of the Breakstone Doubles, cottage cheese with fruit servings. I ate the first one a few days ago. The first few bites I ate eagerly and totally blocked out all past objections to this "miracle" food. I kept telling myself, "I'm going to LOVE IT!" But by the 4th bite my gag reflex was ready to engage. Now what.

About 10+ years ago, my mom was on a diet and she told me about how she would blend cottage cheese with a little Sweet & Low and some strawberries. She said it was like a dessert. Being fresh out of college and not interested in any advice or knowledge that my mother wanted to share, I was all "whatEVER, that sounds disgusting...." So, this afternoon I get out my Magic Bullet blender with the small cup and the other Doubles from the fridge. I dumped all the cottage cheese and peaches into the mixing cup, and blended. Tasted it, pretty good, maybe a little Splenda (with Fiber) and a splash of skim milk to thin it, blend some more. Taste...oh, yeah, it's really good...I put it in the freezer for about 15 minutes and it was very good. Reminded me a lot of frozen yogurt...kinda like a dessert.

I am now on a mission to figure out as many ways to substitute blended cottage cheese in recipes. One of the first ones I want to try is Ranch dip/salad dressing. I don't have any Ranch mix powder on hand, so that one will have to wait until I can get to the grocery store again. I saw multiple recipes for using cottage cheese in mashed potatoes. I'll write an update on which recipes passed or failed in a few weeks.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

DeAnnosaurus, carnivore

I have been attending a nutrition class/support group on Friday mornings at the Shake place attached to my gym. They are primarily a distributor for a supplement company and their "shakes" are actually meal replacements. I have tried to keep my head clear on one very specific concept and that is my need to make dietary changes and incorporate strategies that I can continue for a lifetime and that easily fit into my families life. So that means no pills (although the 'alli' claims of losing 50% more are very enticing...), no radical meal plans that require me to prepare 2 separate dinners, and no 'drink 2 shakes and eat a healthy dinner' programs. I need to do this with real food and a new found love of exercising (in the temperature controlled gym). There's no pressure at the meetings. Of course they work in plugs for their products, but product usage is not required to attend.

Another part of the 12 week program is a one-on-one consultation with the 'wellness coach'. I had my consultation last week. After the normal line of many other programs have you tried (all of them) much weight do you want to lose (all of it)....what are your problem areas (all of them)....when is the toughest time of day for cravings (all of it)...Then she used my height, weight, and % body fat to calculate some other values. First BMI, which was like 30.5 to which I freely and excitedly explained to her was just barely obese and in just a few more days I would only be overweight and not obese anymore. Isn't honesty with thyself great! Next she calculated my lean body mass which is 122 lbs. From that she calculated how many grams of protein I need each day to fuel my body. She said I need 128 grams of protein per day. I have never tracked protein as part of a 'diet' fat, saturated fat, trans fat, calories, fiber, cholesterol, sodium...all of these I have at one time or another tried to control, but never protein.

128 grams of protein is a lot! She broke it down for me and one example is that I need about 25 grams of protein at breakfast (I'll get another 17g for a mid-morning snack, so this 25g is just breakfast). Ugh, I don't really like breakfast. When I make breakfast for myself at home it is usually a carb-fest, waffles or pancakes or cereal. Breakfast on the go usually has more protein, but it comes wrapped in a Chick-fil-A or Sonic greasy wrapper, not really a better choice. Don't panic DeAnn, here are some suggestions...7 egg whites (WTHell?? SEVEN??) or 1 cup of nonfat cottage cheese (gag!)...or 1 quick and easy to make Protein shake with some fruit...

Quick list of my recommended protein break-down...
25g Breakfast
16g Mid-Morning Snack
25g Lunch
16g Afternoon Snack
46g Dinner

Quick list of some of my breakfast stand-bys...
Fiber One cereal bars---2g (only 2 measly grams) and many days that is ALL I eat for breakfast

Instant Oatmeal---4g, this is what I would eat when I was trying to be 'good' and I usually can't finish one serving

Corn Flakes cereal--2g per serving (sometimes as a snack)

Kashi Go-Lean cereal---9g per cup...yea! finally getting closer to the goal...problem is I can't eat more than 1 our house we changed the name to Kashi Go-Poop.

A few weeks ago, before I starting going to the nutrition classes, I picked up a few smoothie packets at the grocery store just to have on hand for a snack or quick breakfast...guess how much protein....ZERO!

I've decided not to obsess over the protein counting thing. Yes I am going to try to be mindful of eating more protein and looking at protein values on packages. I am even going to look into creative ways to eat the cottage cheese (at 28g per cup, it may be worth it). And I did go ahead and order the smallest size container of miracle protein shake powder to try to work in at breakfast. It was either that or naw on a turkey leg from the Renaissance festival in the carpool line......

Monday, January 19, 2009

Strategery that is working for me...

How sad a situation is it when I actually feel sorry for the President? I mean like the way you feel sorry for a kid at school being picked on. Anyway, here is a look at the 'Strategery' that seems to be working for me so far....

Fiber One cereal bars (or generic brand from Kroger)---Oats & Chocolate is enough to satisfy my chocolate craving, and the warning about 35% of total daily fiber is enough to keep me from eating more than one.

Diet Dr. Pepper (usually Caffeine Free)---one per day has really helped me kick my Coke habit. I also find that if I keep the case in the pantry, or back of the car (not in current weather!), i.e. out of sight, then it is really easy to just have 1 per day. I used to keep cans in the fridge and would drink 3-4 a day. Every time I opened the fridge door I would grab a Coke, thirsty or not.

Splenda (or Splenda with Fiber)---I can not tell the difference between Splenda (or generic) and sugar when I make my sweet tea. And I like it real sweet, like syrup sweet.

Lean Cuisine---Husband asked a few days ago, "Are those any good?" Well, they're ok. But they are tasting better and better each time I pull out clothes from my closet that I haven't been able to wear in 3 to 5 years. They are great when you open the fridge and have no idea what you are planning to eat. They are great to have in mind when the kids want corn dogs or chicken nuggets, or a Happy Meal. Beware that there are a lot of varieties available and they are not all that healthy. I try to stay below 400 calories and below 4 grams of fat. I'm not watching sodium right now, but some are really high.

Having a "Smaller Size" Drawer---I picked a couple of items that do not fit and put them in a drawer of my dresser. About once a week or 10 days, I try them on. It is so exciting when they start to fit and then when they fit good enough to wear in public! I have been buying workout clothes on clearance in a smaller size and I look forward to being able to wear them.

Getting rid of the safety net---Twice since October, I have gone through my closet and drawers and pulled out clothes that were too big, and yes some were still maternity clothes! Maternity t-shirts make great workout shirts! Some I have been able to give to a friend, some I took to a consignment store, and some went to Goodwill. My closet is still overfilled because I had acquired complete wardrobes in multiple sizes, plus a maternity wardrobe.

Keeping a snack bag in the car---Here's what's in my on-the-go snack supply...
Whole almonds---count out 20 and put in ziploc bag
60 calorie packs of (3) prunes---I was "yuck" at first, but not too bad now
100 calorie packs of Quaker mini rice cakes with chocolate drizzle
cereal bars
yogurt covered or plain raisins
try to keep a case of bottled water in the back of the car

Wearing my Heart Rate Monitor---I have almost become obsessive about wearing my HRM. I am in the process of tracking my "calories burned" values for several days and then plan to set a daily minimum that I want to achieve each day. One day last week the value was just over 2000 calories from about 8am to 9pm and I had worked with the trainer and done cardio that day. So I'm guessing 2000 is a good target for work out days and probably around 1500 for off days. Once I set my goal, I may find myself "running the stairs" in our house at 11pm before I will let myself go to bed.

But probably the best Strategery of all, is having a wonderful support team, not just in this endeavor, but in all things.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Speed Bumps

By the power vested in me, I would hereby like to officially declare the second week of January as "Personal Speed Bump Week". Even though my commitment to exercise and better eating choices started in earnest back in October and is therefore definitely not a 'New Year's Resolution' (a New Me Resolution maybe), I found this week to be full of opportunities to stray and my motivation waning...popping up like speed bumps on my pathway.

Running late, didn't eat at home, didn't grab a cereal food drive-thru
It's so cold, I hate to wear a coat, wind too strong for the baby...skip the gym
Didn't make a menu, have random groceries in fridge....order a pizza
Personal trainer company at gym money & don't renew
Car needs oil changed today or engine falls out tomorrow....skip the gym
Peanut needs more at-home potty training attention....skip the gym
Peanut needs more at-home potty training attention....I need a Coke & a donut

The biggest mental speed bump for me had to be on Wednesday when the trainer called to say that the company was closing their office at my gym location. We could finish out the sessions paid for from the last credit card draft, but after that I could be finished or sign-up on a new contract at a different location....farther from home & school....where I would have to pay a visitor's fee....and pay for on-site childcare. I had a session with him on Friday and we still have 3 left to go. But then what? It would be so easy to go back to just walking on the treadmill 2 or 3 times a week or slowly letting other things become more important, again. No, this time I'm ready to keep going and I think (I hope) I have learned so much about full body exercise and I am really enjoying the results. I no longer feel like a visitor at the gym, I feel like I (sorta) know what I'm doing. I'm pretty sure I can get over this speed bump.

So here's what it takes to get over those speed bumps....a little more energy. Tuesday night when Husband came home from work he brought me roses from Sam's. We have a pact to never send each other flowers from a florist, so a bouquet from Sam's is perfect in our house. I was removing the plastic cover to put the flowers in a vase and I saw the name of the striking hot pink color...Energy...I kid not. I cut out and saved the label, maybe I'll remember to take a picture, maybe I'll figure out how to post a picture. That same night I attended a women's evening at out church and felt Energized as well. Thursday night I had a meeting (that was anticipated with a bit of anxiety) and it went wonderfully well, full of positive energy. This week, I had a doctor's appt where my blood pressure was 110/60, the best it has ever been. My package from Kohl's arrived on Friday with a pair of smaller jeans and a smaller bra (band--not cup--not yet) and they both fit great.

It would have been easy this week to self sabotage. But when looking at the big picture and the big goal, these obstacles are just little speed bumps and I'm driving a Mack truck.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Sometimes Life Gets in the Way

I was really looking forward to today. I have a personal goal to make it to one spin class per week and 9:30 Wednesday morning was the one for this week. I got everything ready last night...lunch for preschool, sippy cups and bottles for the younger two, healthy snacks for me, clothes laid out for all 4, toothbrushes lined up and washcloth ready, jackets laid out by the front door, school bag ready, diaper bag ready, heart rate monitor located...Got out of bed on time this morning and told First Born Son that we were going to try to be the first ones at school today, so we better hurry! The kids pretty much did their part to stay on track, things were going good up until the last 5 minutes and it got a little crazy. We were getting jackets on, now shoes on...where are my tennis shoes?...I'll put on these clogs...there's my tennis shoes, I'll carry them to the car and change at the gym after I weigh. I usually make 2 trips to the car leaving one child in the house and then coming back for said child. McQueen was the one that was supposed to stay in the house but he was crawling out of the door so I scooped him up and we made it in one trip. We're off to the preschool, right on schedule!

The carpool line starts at moving at 8:55 and if we are near the front I can get to the gym, get the kids to childcare, and be ready for a 9:30 class with about 4 minutes to spare. We made it to the school and cheered because we were almost first! I stepped out the car to get something from the back and realized I still had on my clogs...oh, maybe I should go ahead and change shoes...I did pick up my shoes didn't I? Nope, no tennis shoes. Could I make it back home and then to the gym in time to make the class? Yeah, I might be a few minutes late, but that would be ok.

As I'm pulling away from the carpool drop-off, the Low Fuel light comes on. I'll get gas after the gym, Husband always say you have 3 or 4 gallons left, right? Get home, yep, there's my tennis shoes on the front porch where I must have dropped them when scooping up McQueen. Back to the car, out of the driveway, wind through the neighborhood...I might be able to make the class. Now Low Fuel Bell starts dinging. Ok, this is just not going to happen today. So I turn into the gas station to filler-up.

It was about 9:20 by now. I decided to call my mom. My mom has been helping her youngest sister who has cancer. She goes to her house every day and stays with her some nights. My mom tells me that she was about to leave her house to go back to my aunt's house to meet with Hospice for their first visit. My mom tells me that my aunt decided on Monday (with input from her doctor and family) to stop her chemo and only seek comfort measures. We only talked 2 or 3 minutes. I felt very deeply that this phone call was the reason my plan for this morning fell apart. I needed to make this phone call and if MY plan had been the one followed, then I wouldn't have been able to live HIS plan.

I did go to the gym and I did have an awesome work out.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Yep, I'm Losin' It

Today was weigh-in day with the trainer and here are the results...

Weight is now down 17.5 lbs. from October 1 and 27.5 lbs. from May 2008 :o)

Body fat percentage is now 38.2%, down from 41%.

BMI is now 30.8 down from a high of 34 (just 0.9 less and I am no longer obese, just overweight).

I sorta got the feeling that my trainer was expecting more, or maybe he thought I was expecting more. It seemed like he thought I was somewhat disappointed. But I'm not. I'm not doing this for a special occasion. I don't have a deadline. The changes I make have to be ones that I can live with and that fit fairly easily into my life with family and kids. One day he was looking through my food journal and there were multiple fast food entries (it was a bad week, actually it was a bad month). He commented that Subway would be a better choice. Yep, and if they had a drive-thru, I'd be there every other day. But if I'm dragging 3 kids out of the car and into Subway to get lunch then I'm also swinging by the bakery for an entire cake to calm my nerves (my nearest Subway is in a Wal-Mart).

But that's ok, I'm losin' it, no matter how fast or slow.

Actually, I knew I was losin' it before I stepped on the scale this morning. My angry tooth was throbbing and that is always a sure sign. Angry tooth??? A year or so ago I went to the dentist with a very sore and sensitive canine tooth. After several x-rays and an exam, the dentist informed me that my tooth was completely healthy, but maybe a little bruised from clenching my teeth together. At that time, we didn't carry dental insurance, so this was a pricey little lesson that I was yelling and growling way too much.

This morning was a typical Monday morning, mostly because I failed to prepare better the night before (spent too much time surfing instead of packing a lunch and picking out clothes). Then the constant noise and demands for my attention. The two older kids starting every sentence with "Mommy" and requiring a response before continuing with a statement or question that then needs another response, usually at the same time...the baby fussing that he didn't want to be in the car seat again or maybe he wanted something else to eat...the radio on with that blasted cartoon music...the voice in my head running through the to-do list, the forgotten list, the grocery list....I just wanted to grit my teeth together and yell SHUT UP!

Yep, this morning, I definitely felt like I was losin' it.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

I guess I am being chased

For as long as I can remember, anytime someone said something about running, I always made the corny joke "were you being chased?" Because who would run voluntarily, or for pleasure? The very few times I had tried to run I was left with scaring memories of thundering down the street while hearing that jingle over and over in my head...Watch it wiggle, see it jiggle...for all of the 30 seconds I could endure. Then the "stitch" in the side, the gasping for breath. Never mind, back to walking.

When I reactivated my gym membership in September, I of course started with the treadmill. Because walking in place on a flat surface is the best use of a paid gym membership, I mean where else can you walk??? I started at 0.0 incline and about 3.0 mph and I watched every minute tick by til I made it to 20 mins in constant fear that the nylon athletic pants were going to ignite from the friction. After a few days I started playing around with the programs on the treadmill. Stayed at about 3.0 mph but got up to about 3.0 incline and about 30 mins depending on which TV show was on. Never really broke a sweat and had to hold on most of the time in order to get my heart rate reading (since I couldn't find the parts to my 3 year old Polar HRM that had been used less than 5 times).

In October when I started with the trainer, he told me that walking at an incline would burn more calories than running on a flat surface. So one of my new goals was to increase my incline as well as speed and duration. I now walk comfortably at about 3.3 mph and easily 7.0 incline. When I push myself I can usually stay between 8.5 and 10.0 incline for 10-15 mins. The fear of ignition has greatly lessened. So I'm feeling really good about the walking. Now what...

Well, no one was chasing me, but I figured I might as well try to run. It just seems like something you are supposed to do when you are at the gym. Side note: I had found my HRM and was now wearing it religiously. I think this was sometime near the end of November. I was walking along on the treadmill at about 3.5 mph and I was ready for more. At this point it was either run or speed walk, and me speed walking would have looked even more stupid than me running. So I looked around to make sure everyone around me is wearing headsets of some sort-- Good, hopefully they won't hear the thunder. And she's off....for about 15 seconds. I eventually worked up to running 1 min and walking 2-3 min intervals. But I still didn't like it, I watched every second tick by. I had to talk myself through it. If I was wearing earphones I was usually listening to a TV show. I would try to cheer myself to make it through an entire commercial...ok, now 2 commercials...but I just couldn't seem to get motivated enough. I still hated running, I still wasn't being chased.

In my husband's family, we do a name exchange between the adults for Christmas, and we also submit a wish list. I had decided a few weeks before that I really wanted an MP3 player of some sort. All I needed was music, nothing fancy with phone or video. So I put an iPod Shuffle on my wish list with a few other things. I told myself that if I didn't get one as a gift that I was definitely getting one after Christmas. So of course I was very excited to unwrap a hot pink Shuffle and $15 iTunes card. As soon as we got home from traveling, I wanted to load music on it. I am an iVirgin and am iClueless. I knew nothing about iTunes. I figured it out and loaded 15 songs. I searched for hours to find high energy, 130+ bpm songs. I loaded stuff from Katie Perry (Hot N Cold--great!), Beyonce (Single Ladies--love it!), Christina Aquilera (Keeps Gettin' Better--superbitch!), and Flo Rida (Low---who???). After listening to the soundtrack from the Aladdin movie and the Dora CD 800,000 times in the car, I was soooo ready for some "adult" music. One day I had it on when the kids were napping (I think they were napping, I couldn't hear them...), and I folded and put away more laundry in 30 minutes than I usually can in 2 hours.

I'm still struggling with where to put the cords, inside the shirt sleeve, outside down my back, I don't know. But I am really enjoying having it on while I do my cardio. I have to keep reminding myself not to sing out loud. It makes the time go by easier and usually faster. Having the constant supply of high energy songs really keeps me going. Trying to walk, bike or use the elliptical to the beat keeps the pace up.

One day last week I was on the treadmill doing intervals of high incline walking with flat incline running. Alternating about 2 mins walk with 1 min run. I kept trying to increase the run to 2 mins, but it seemed like there was a wall around 1:40 that I couldn't get over. I LOVE the song So What by P!nk. I selected it on the player...this is the last run interval...I'll go as long as I can. Then it hit me, I AM being my big ass! And so many other things in my life...the never-ending laundry, the daily last minute what-are-we-having-for-dinner question, the morning rush because I didn't prepare enough the night before, the constant intention vs. perception communication struggle.....Run, Forest, Run. So I dropped my shoulders, lifted my chin, picked up my heels, and ran. It was almost effortless. I was mouthing the words to the song like I was on stage and never looked down at the timer. The song ended and I dropped back down to a walk. No stitch, no gasping for breath. Yes, I was out of breath and needed a drink, but it was controllable. I now know that I ran for 3 min 34 secs. I was as proud as if it had been my first marathon.

My dear friend, who is doing an incredible job in her personal fight, told me the other day that she can now run 10 mins straight. So that is my new goal. I guess, in a way, I'm chasing her big ass!

Thursday, January 8, 2009

(Almost) Full Disclosure

This will be as honest and realistic a view of my facts and figures as I can bear to print at this time.

I'll start with the easy and not-so-embarrassing stuff...
I am 34 years old.
I am almost 5'7" tall.
I have 3 children: First Born Son is 5 years old. Peanut is 2.5 years old and potty training. And McQueen (so named because his older brother really wanted to name him Lightening McQueen) is almost 11 months old.
I have been married 8 years to High School Sweetheart. Dated 8.5 years before 1 year engagement, so we have been together a total of 18 years.

This experience is a little like getting into a swimming pool with cold water. Stepping in up to your hips is not so bad. Then the water hits your belly, and even with enough blubber to weather a winter in the North Atlantic, you catch your breath and think "do I keep going, or get out now?"

I'll go in a little deeper...

I joined Weight Watchers online in May 2008 when McQueen was 3 months old. I'm pretty sure that day was my heaviest non-pregnant day. I'm not ready to write that number down. But BMI was 34, that qualifies for that horrible word---obese.

Reactivated my gym membership on September 1, 2008. I had been doing WW sporadically since May but not exercising at all. Decided to take 1 month to recommit my mind and schedule to making exercise a priority.

Signed-up with a personal trainer at the gym on October 1, 2008. Sign here, here, and here...need your credit card, thank you...our first exercise will be one in humility, now please step on the scale and we will also calculate your body fat percentage. Ugh. Weight was 10 pounds less than when I joined WW in May, body fat percentage was 41%.

Between October 1, 2008 and January 7, 2009, I have had 18 sessions with the trainer. I am down almost 15 pounds and we will calculate body fat % again next week. BMI is now 31, almost out of the obese (I physically shudder to type that word) category.

But my clothes feel like more than 15 pounds gone. I was wearing a snug 18W, fitting like a glove in that size ain't pretty. I am now comfortably fitting into most of my size 16 pants. My go-to shirts were 1X or XL, or a cami under a button down shirt left open, because I was bustin' out of it buttoned. And not sexy, cleavage bustin', I mean tummy roll bustin'. I'm pulling "new" stuff out of my closet every couple of days. Probably my proudest clothing victory is a pair of workout pants that I bought on clearance about 2 years ago. They didn't fit from day 1, I mean wouldn't-go-over-the hips, not just tight. Now I have to use the drawstring to keep them up.

Ok, so I waded in a little deeper and the cold water was even more shocking as it creeped up. Now I have to decide, do I get out or just dive in. Getting out would mean deleting this post and keeping this private info in my head. Diving in would mean posting this....Here goes...

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

My First Time...

What am I doing here? I've lurked on a few other blogs but have never posted any comments. I've never been one to keep a diary and I've never considered myself a talented writer. So why do I think I need to create my own journal of thoughts and who do I think will want to read it? Maybe it is part of the self accountability that I feel will be required in order for me to be successful in my current weight loss battle. So it will be a place for me to vent, to sorta think out loud, to brag, and probably to whine. Probably no one will want to read it or maybe another mom will read it and think to herself, "yep...uhhuh...been there, done that, and ate that too".

When I graduated from high school I was a very average size 8/10, I think. Then in 8 years of college, work, graduate school, and work again, I gradually grew to about a size 16. I started and stopped countless diets and "healthy lifestyle changes", but never enjoyed exercise (i.e. sweat) and have always been an emotional and celebratory eater. Things are going good...let's eat...Things are going bad...let's eat...alot.

Here is a brief history of the significant battles in my private war, 2000 to today:

There was the Matrimonial Battle of 2000 in preparation for the wedding---as the 11 months of preparation flew by, my goal became to simply fit into the dress size that was ordered, no lofty goals of losing, just please please don't gain.

Then the Equestrian Skirmish of 2002 when, while making plans for a surprise trip for my husband's birthday, I learned that the horses on our horseback riding expedition had a weight limit. I had nightmares of being asked to step on a scale before Mr. Ed would let me on board.

Along comes Baby #1 in September 2003. The most embarrassing moment I had ever experienced in front of my husband was being checked into the hospital and having the nurse ask me my weight. Did she purposely stand on the other side of the room and wait for an answer? And don't blame it all on baby, because she needed to know my starting weight as well. Thankfully that moment was replaced 10 hours later with 1.5 hours of pushing, so now I have a new most embarrassing moment.

Battle of the Baby Bulge #1--Ok, May 2005, decide to stay at home with Baby #1, finally away from the constant temptation of working in an office setting with 2 vending machines and a refrigerator within smelling range. Decide to join a gym, with childcare--doing great--lost 28 pounds in about 4 months--feeling great... Hello! Pregnant with Baby #2. Gym membership on hold.

Brief Battle of the Baby Bulge #2--Baby #2 born in May 2006, sweet baby girl...that likes to be held...alot. Tried to start back at the gym Spring of 2007. After being called out of 4 consecutive classes because Sweet baby girl was "inconsolable", gym membership back on hold. I'll give her a few months to grow out of her separation/stranger anxiety and then start back. I'll still wear the work-out clothes though, because they are stylish and oh so comfy!

Surprise it's a BOY! Baby #3 born February 2008.

Battle of the Baby Bulge #3--Ok, I'm done. No more pregnancies for this body. I'm ready to reclaim it for me. I'm ready to have more energy and less rolls. I'm ready to be better than I was before. I'm ready to have a closet with no "X"s or "W"s in the sizes. I'm ready to be a Missy not a Woman. I'm ready to win the War, not just the battle. I'm ready to want to do things with the lights ON....

This time I'm ready!

(That reminds me...I still need to make that Dr.'s appt for my husband...)