Sunday, August 2, 2009

Yes, I want to lose more

Well, summer has almost come and gone at our house, as far as school vacation is concerned. My oldest son starts Kindergarten on this Friday, so we will be using each morning this week to practice getting up early enough to get to school on time.

Reality is that I made no real progress on my weight and exercise goals between May 1st and August 1st. But I have held steady at 38 pounds lost and I have become more comfortable with what I have done and what else I want to do. I have tried to work-out as much as possible, and while I haven't given myself free rein with food, I have allowed myself to enjoy the food pleasures and conveniences necessary to survive a summer with 3 little ones. I have a comfortable understanding that in order to eat like this, I have to exercise. And if I want to lose more, then I have to exercise more and eat better.

A few friends have asked if I want to lose more. I love the comments that usually come before that question, but the question confuses me a little. According to the various charts, I need to lose a minimum of 20 more pounds. I am wearing a size 14 and while they are comfortable, they are not falling off. So, when a friend that is probably a size 8 or 10 says "You look great, you don't need to lose any more" but then a few minutes later says that she could stand to lose a few pounds, I'm confused.

Is it the result of our skewed perception of our own bodies? Does she see me as smaller than I really am? smaller than I see myself? And in return, does she see herself as larger than she really is? larger than I see her? Because if she thinks she needs to lose a few pounds, then she should think I need to lose more than a few more pounds.

Or, is it part of the evil game we women secretly play to keep each other on the I'm-not-good-enough rollercoaster. Do her words really say, "Oh, honey, a size 14 is good enough for you." While she's thinking, Of course, I'd have my jaw wired shut if it were me. Just kidding...I hope.

Anyway, I'm working on my increased exercise schedule that will start next week. And I'm getting my supplies gathered together to get back on track with the nutrition portion, starting with protein shakes for breakfast. I know that a major key to my success with controlled eating is the food tracking, so I need to redevelop my habit for that.

Yes, I want to lose more. I think I will start by saying I would like to lose 15 pounds more. I don't know what that will look or feel like. I think it will be a clothing size 10. I also want to run more. I'll set a running goal once I get my exercise schedule established.

(Ok, I just used the word "loose" everytime I meant "lose". Please tell me mommy-brain is a reversible affliction?!?!)